Poetry lowers your golf score

This came by voice message today:

http://www.campcoop.com/~cstewart/uncleFatihFan.mp3

This moment, by itself, would constitute a considerable victory for any writer. But said victory was, unfortunately, somewhat tainted in the aftermath: I sent this guy a text message to say thanks, and in reply ... I got a photo. Presumably of him.

Not sure what to take from that one. To spare him embarrassment, I won't post the picture.

... but I'm pretty sure I still came out ahead here.

Attack of the Killer Atwood

This is somewhat old news -- but my story/essay/op-ed piece How Margaret Atwood Took Over the World was published in the latest issue (Spring 2008) of One Cool Word magazine. My writing prof last year told me I could get sued for libel if it got published. I guess we'll see what happens ...

Geostationary Banana Over Texas

OK, everyone -- this is the most ridiculous, and by extension, the greatest thing ever. http://www.geostationarybananaovertexas.com/

Basically, a bunch of crazy people (read: artists, engineers, etc.) are building a gigantic banana, and they're going to put it at near-space altitudes over Texas. They need $1,500,000 to make it happen, and they're accepting donations, starting from $1. Only you can make this fruit fly!

I've just donated $50.

Spartacus!

Just a quick note to say that the book is on the shelves in Spartacus Books now. Woot!

On the shelves

After a great deal of procrastination, I've finally put the book in stores. Woot!

ode to a fatih

some fatihs are big, and some fatihs are … not small
but the fatih that i love most of all is … UNCLE FATIH!

who could hate uncle (a strapping young man)
who lives to sell pizza, to the folks of east van

but is this pizza normal? well, by heavens, no!
it’s the greatest spun circle since that pat sajak show!

with the crust, you’ll be smitten, with the toppings, delighted
like a kegger’s on your tastebuds, and the whole world’s invited!

there’s feta, there’s pesto, there’s sundried tomato
there’s sesame, olives, and seasoned potato

for breakfast, for dinner, for lunch or a snack
i can’t get enough – it’s like homemade crack!

i say shun the pizzas of food courts of malls
their pizza is rancid, like wildebeest balls

their crusts are so thick, and their toppings so thin
and i’d rather eat from a back-alley bin

and at five bucks a slice, it’s a terrible deal
but on broadway/commercial, you can get a grand meal!

when i’ve nought in my pocket but a cold loon and toon
i can still buy two slices, which will warm me till noon

thus i say to sir fatih, the joint’s wonderful owner:
your pizza’s orgasmic! it gives me … an erection

so if you’re in east van, when it’s cold and it’s rainy
and your mood is as dark and as vile as dick cheney

and your wife ate your dog and your mind’s going batty
then get thee a pizza – from the great UNCLE FATIH!

Uncle Fatih's Pizza!

So, there's this fantabulous $1.50-a-slice pizza joint in Vancouver at Broadway/Commercial. I eat there 2 or 3 times a week, and it's so damn good that I was inspired to write an ode to it. I performed said ode at a recent poetry slam, and as soon as I said the words "Uncle Fatih," the audience went crazy. After the slam, I delivered the poem to the great Uncle himself. Then, two weeks later, I was at Uncle Fatih's, and I saw my poem up on the wall. It was possibly the finest moment of my poetry career.

In all honesty, I hadn't expected him to put the poem up -- it's full of crude humour, politics, and there's a link at the end of the poem to my book's website (which is about political extremists). But I guess that just makes Uncle Fatih even more awesome than I would've ever thought possible.

Hurrah for Uncle Fatih!